Thursday, January 26, 2012
im discouraged by the things around me. my brother has picked up smoking, but i do not know what to do about it. My dad does not seems to bother because he is a smoker as well. My mum has no choice but to swallow this hard fact. What should I do? To accept it or to talk to him? I tried telling him to stop, but he said he knows how to control. This is sceptical, if he knows how to control, he wouldn't even picked it up. What kind of nonsense he's telling me. I'm frustrated and disappointed with him and with my family. i'm not happy with how my parents live their lives. i'm not happy with my brother's lives.
I'm disappointed by my good friends around me. I told 2 of them one of my secrets and they went to tell another person about it. Seriously I can understand the one who has direct struggles has to tell another person to share the load. But i find that its freaking unfair to me as the one who told another person did not even tell me about it and tried to hide. It was that other person who told me about it and commented that it is fair for me to know. I explained to her the whole situation and my struggles. Seriously just because I made a mistake that person condemned me to be "unwise". I felt hurted but its the fact. I confronted that person a few days back, that person cant rmb much and apologised to me. Even thou i accepted the apology, theres still this tingling hurt in my heart.
Another person whom I told spread it to another friend about it. I have no idea how much that person was told, but it doesn't really matter until the other person told me that person said I was "Intrusive" to her life. it hurted me like a knife cutting across my heart. 5 yrs of friendship. i cant sweep this away from my heart. when i looked at her, i dont know what to say. she's facing some issue in her life and yet i do not have that hurt being healed. i shall just let my other friend to help her out and keep me updated. I do not know if this is real friendship or not, watching from the back scene and advising from there. Perhaps my method of caring was wrong. I was brought up that way. My parents cared for me through instructions, no mushy words, nothing. I have difficulty caring for people around me. I thought i improved, but no, this hit me hard that i'm still lacking in love. I asked God to heal my hurt because i cant heal it myself.
I wonder do i worry too much or what. why am i so down. i should just heck everything and live my life. why do i have to face such down time when all of them doesnt even care or know????
i need someone to talk with.. someone who is available to talk to me..
I'm disappointed by my good friends around me. I told 2 of them one of my secrets and they went to tell another person about it. Seriously I can understand the one who has direct struggles has to tell another person to share the load. But i find that its freaking unfair to me as the one who told another person did not even tell me about it and tried to hide. It was that other person who told me about it and commented that it is fair for me to know. I explained to her the whole situation and my struggles. Seriously just because I made a mistake that person condemned me to be "unwise". I felt hurted but its the fact. I confronted that person a few days back, that person cant rmb much and apologised to me. Even thou i accepted the apology, theres still this tingling hurt in my heart.
Another person whom I told spread it to another friend about it. I have no idea how much that person was told, but it doesn't really matter until the other person told me that person said I was "Intrusive" to her life. it hurted me like a knife cutting across my heart. 5 yrs of friendship. i cant sweep this away from my heart. when i looked at her, i dont know what to say. she's facing some issue in her life and yet i do not have that hurt being healed. i shall just let my other friend to help her out and keep me updated. I do not know if this is real friendship or not, watching from the back scene and advising from there. Perhaps my method of caring was wrong. I was brought up that way. My parents cared for me through instructions, no mushy words, nothing. I have difficulty caring for people around me. I thought i improved, but no, this hit me hard that i'm still lacking in love. I asked God to heal my hurt because i cant heal it myself.
I wonder do i worry too much or what. why am i so down. i should just heck everything and live my life. why do i have to face such down time when all of them doesnt even care or know????
i need someone to talk with.. someone who is available to talk to me..